Telling DH 11.19.08

I went through with the plan. Poor DH had had a rough day. So he comes home to a shoebox and gets annoyed, and I make him open it and he goes “who are these for…..[I have this enormous smile on my face] ….are you pregnant?” It was almost an “oh crap” realization which was less than I had hoped. But it was a huge surprise and he came around quick.
He asked again about eating meat, asked about names again, he wants a boy, clearly. He was far too practical about it. And so was I. I told him I was scared. He said I’d be ok. By the time we were in bed tho he was being super cute, telling the dog we were getting another baby, etc. And then, when he and I were both half asleep he said – none of this divorce stuff when we have a kid. You promise? And I said yes. Too tired to remind him that I would promise soon enough during our wedding. And then later, really sleepy now, he said “thanks for having my baby.” I said “thanks for being my baby daddy.”

I’m still terrified of miscarriage. And I’m getting worried about how dark my HPT lines are (not particularly dark, tho I’ve not been using FMU, I test when I get home from work, it’s pretty dilute). Also, no m/s yet. Just waaaay slowed down metabolism. I won’t feel like food for a long time. And then I’ll be STARVING and scarf something really filling and rich like a brownie or raviolis or pesto laden panini. With avocado. I have almost no interest in my usual standbys like granola bars and rice crispy treats and chocolate. Now what I want is real food, I guess. Maybe it’s that age old – when I’m sick, I treat myself to real food ‘cause it’s not as often that I’m hungry. Maybe I feel like I can ‘let go’ a little. Or maybe I’m finally sick of those old standbys.

Symptoms today: heartburn, menstrual-like cramps, no real discharge, temps are up and I’ve finally discovered that this is the origin of the ‘glow’ of pg women. It’s ‘cause their flushed from higher temps. It’s definitely not the great skin. Tho my skin isn’t that bad. I’m generally low on symptoms – I don’t feel that pg except for heaviness in my pelvis and a little swollen down there. Like my hip bones are already disappearing. I’m just a little hungrier between ‘feedings.’ I am super tired and pee more often than normal, if that’s possible. 5 weeks tomorrow. Maybe it’s too early for super symptoms still. I’m a little distressed at not knowing anything – and knowing I won’t know anything until Jan 2. I know I’ll be risking letting people know by going to xmas parties before then. I want to talk to my co worker about nanny sharing, I have several get togethers w/ my PARENTS, there’s a lot to give up if its all for naught. But of course I have to assume everything is fine. There’s not much I could do anyway unless there was an m/c and I needed a d&c. And I think I’d know about it ‘cause id most likely have bleeding, temp drop, etc. Though a friend of mine didn't find out she'd had a m/c until she went in for her routine 8 or 9 week checkup. Like a ‘missed’ m/c.

I have a lot of hope though, which says a lot for someone who is so un-optimistic. Also, the advice I wanted to give that same friend is true in my case now too – at least we know everything is ‘working’ down there.