Ah, the first tri 11.21.09

Still pregnant I guess. I’ll probably take another test when I get home since I won’t be able to temp easily on the trip and I really wanna make sure. This is crazy, right?
I ate a deli meat sandwich today after taking out the meat – actually I only had one bite before I started to freak out about listeria. I’m starting to get hyper-paranoid. I’m even thinking of going of Zoloft even though all the anecdotal evidence seems to be that it’s absolutely fine and in some cases good to have. I know it’s great for my work but I also know I’ve gotten stronger and braver on my own and there’s a chance I would do ok without it. I don’t have to go off ‘til week 20 to avoid the increased risk of PPHN. That’s nice. I’m going to try a consistent 25mg dose for a few weeks and see what happens. I don’t want to get too stressed in my first tri since the anxiety itself can cause m/c.
Off to plan the wedding this weekend. My mom’s coming. Its fun to see people for the first time since knowing I’m pg. Like it’s a fun little secret and I can imagine their faces when they find out. I wonder if people will suspect anything at the house party I'm going to this weekend since I’m such an alcoholic most of the time. I would hate that. Of course for the reason that if I have a m/c I don’t want to have to explain it to anyone. But also, for some reason I really want to blind side people with the news. I don’t want them to already know. That’s weird. Why would I care? It’s almost like ‘hiding it’ is a challenge I can succeed in or fail and naturally, I want to succeed.

Hasta. Happy Friday!