Good sick vs Bad sick

So here's the holiday breakdown. It didn't get any better following our furbaby problems and losing my wallet. Christmas eve we make a trip to DH's relatives. There were only seven people there aside from us, but still, the odds of someone being sick were sky high, I realized. DH's cousin A and cousin B both sounded sick, I realized within minutes of arriving. Oh nooo I thought, anything but this. Please please please. I'm about four days from the one month post-fertilization point - the point when the neural tube closes. The point before which it is particularly important not to get a fever.



I tried to talk myself down - it could be that they just have colds. I can handle a cold. Bring it. I will not let this ruin my xmas eve. And then I overheard cousin A talking to cousin B:



A: so you sound like you have something too - are you sick?



B: No, no, this is what happens when it gets wet and [something I missed] and I'm allergic. It's just allergies. It happens every time it rains.



A: ooohhhhh. That's too bad, is there something you can take for that?



At this point I was sitting right next to A and my protective instincts were in overdrive. Forget the family relationships, you need to know what you're dealing with here. So I interjected with a thinly veiled attempt at sounding casual:



Astrid: So, A, is yours allergies too?



A: no, I got pretty sick, I had the fever so I think it was that flu or whatever that's going around. I had a fever Monday and then, what day is this, it's Thursday? Wednesday, yesterday, it finally broke.



Astrid: ooooo, that's too bad, I'm so sorry. [In my head I'm thinking - perfect - I'm sitting next to someone with the flu. Whose fever broke yesterday. Who's still caughing and sounds horse and all the rest of it. You're contageous as long as you have symptoms. She's been breathing on me this whole conversation. And I hugged her on the way in. And I think she kissed my cheek - greeks are like that (DH is greek). I'm going to get the flu. I just am. It's over.]



I tried to avoid A for the evening. Which was sad because I LOVE A. She's the cousin I get along with best. But I couldn't see past my panic and infuriation. When I noticed her serving up pieces of a certain dish, I decided that although it was one of the only vegetarian dishes that would be served at dinner (not to mention one of my favorites), I would have to avoid it.



At one point DH and I stepped outside to check on the dogs - who we left in the car (it's California so it wasn't too cold). And I mentioned to him that A had the flu. "Oh yeah," he said, "she said she wasn't feeling great." "I'm really scared of getting the flu," I mentioned. I didn't really think I needed to point this out given the whole flu shot standoff, but I said it anyway. Remember, there was no logic for me at this point. Only panic and self-preservation. "Oh," DH said, "ok, we'll just stay for a little while, and then we'll go."



I knew we would not stay for a little while. I knew it would be at least 3 more hours, minimum. That's how it goes at these events. My game plan was just to stay as far away from A as possible. And to not touch anything.

So we went inside and when it was time for dinner DH pointed at the seat immediately to the left of A and suggested I sit there - in front of the entire group. I responded, defiantly, "Why don't you just scoot in? It's easier, I'll sit on the end." But DH wanted to sit on the end to be closer to his uncle. A immediately jumped up so I could get in to my spot right next to her. So I moved toward the spot, feeling trapped and frantic. And as I sat down I turned to DH and said in a barely audible whisper "I can't hon, I can't get..." and thankfully, he got it before I said "sick" which someone probably would have picked up. He switched with me. It was still awkward because A couldn't figure out why I wouldn't want to sit next to her. She looked confused and concerned. "I haven't spent much time with your uncle lately," I insisted. But it was still awkward because no one could figure out why I would rather sit next to the patriarch who is pretty much deaf and therefore not the best conversationalist. But again, I wasn't really thinking at this point. I was just reacting.



The rest of the night went similarly. During presents, A gave me hers and stopped to talk and at one point let out this giant sigh, blowing right in my face and I felt myself losing hope for any life that may dwell in my belly.



I dutifully fake-sipped the wine all night and DH dutifully drank it. I hugged A at the end of the night with my face pointed as far away from hers as my neck would allow it to go. And I noticed DH and her giving each other giant kisses on the cheek. While DH's flu shot gave me some comfort, I realized that her germs were left all over his face and that while it would be difficult to maneuver a christmas eve without kissing my husband, I would manage somehow.



The whole evening I felt a sense of failure, depression, fear. And the next morning, christmas morning, I woke up at my parents house feeling...sick. Sick as a dog. Like I couldn't stand up for long without getting sweaty and shivery and needing to sit down or feeling like I needed to puke. More tired than I have been, more nauseous than I had been. I was sick. I asked my mom for a thermometer.

And I didn't have a temperature.

And I still didn't have a temperature that night when I was throwing up after taking my prenatals. And I about started jumping for joy at this point. I was GOOD sick. I was having morning sickness. Nevermind that it was 11pm.

I blamed it on a 'stomach bug' all weekend but I don't know if my family was fooled. If they knew, they didn't show it. Except maybe my dad, he said a few things that made me think - he knows. It must have crossed all of their minds. Hmmm, let's see...our almost-30 daughter, married for one year, never says a peep about whether or not she'll have kids. Got both dogs, got the good job, a three bedroom house...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why she's puking intermittently for three days without any other symptoms.

In contrast to last christmas - when I also was fake-sipping the wine and trying desperately to hide the nausea - there was no giggly talk between DH and I on the way home about whether anyone suspected. It was a moot point. There might be no baby so there may never be a big reveal, F what anyone else thinks they know. They don't know. WE don't even know. It was a reality check - the silence about the whole thing. We've just noticed that I'm sick now and gone on with our lives. We don't associate it with a pregnancy or a baby - we just carry on.

As miserable as I feel, I appreciate every minute of it. Truly.

I did have to stop taking my prenatals, or at least some of them. I'm still taking 800 mcgs of folic acid and the DHA supplement. Has anyone else had this problem? Do you just skip the other vitamins for a while? Take kids vitamins? Any other suggestions? TIA.