9dpo - non-symptom check

Yep, still nada that I can't attribute to PMS. No interesting cm, no sore nipples, no headaches or nausea, flat temps...I did have one full day of cramping yesterday which was a little out of the ordinary (usually I don't have AF symptoms until 48 hours prior). And it gave me some hope. But then my dog took a flying leap at my abdomen while I was sitting on the couch. Luckily he's only 11 lbs and landed on the side (think on top of my right tube), rather than smack dab center stage. Unluckily it triggered some additional weird cramps and made me want to cry I was so frustrated. Not just at the thought of what damage he may have done if there was an implantation process underway, but also just generally at this cycle. At how much I allow myself to worry when there is really no way to know and nothing I can do about that.

Despite the strange cramping yesterday there really is nothing to hang my dreams on. The two major symptoms I am hoping for are sore nipples and ewcm. These are what tipped me off during my molar and chemical pregnancies and they don't happen in non-pg cycles. They are both noticeably absent this cycle, as they have been for the last several cycles since AF returned. So I remain without much hope.

I was going to test tomorrow, 10dpo. But I'm starting to wonder what the point would be. I have no reason to think I'm pregnant. I probably will test anyway though because (a) I have the cheapie online tests - about a dozen of them - so it won't break the bank and (b) while I don't have much hope, I do have a shred and it's been bolstered by all of your mood-brightening comments about how you can be pregnant without having any reason to know about it. You can be symptom free, not only in the 2ww but for a long time thereafter. That's true and it gives me some hope.

DH has been awesome lately, which also helps my mood. We have been 'without protection' or 'trying' or whatever you want to call it for 5 cycles over the last year and NEVER has he been so interested in the goings on down there. He keeps asking when we'll know, how we'll know, what's going on on the pregnancy front, if AF comes does that mean it's over? He's asked some version of these questions every other day. Prior to this cycle he seemed to make a concerted effort not to talk about it so this is a big change. I haven't been that depressed about it all (outwardly, anyway) so I don't think he's doing it to humor or console me. I think I sense some genuine interest which is a huge relief. I actually think he's getting almost excited about the idea of a child. It's a big step. He doesn't get as hurt as I do after a failed cycle, which makes sense - he's not waking up at 6:30 on the weekends to temp and noting every twinge and discharge and worrying about the myriad un-obvious implications of hammering nails and enthusiastic furbabies and electric blankets. He doesn't pour his soul into the prospect of pregnancy every minute of every day, so if it doesn't happen, he doesn't feel as though he's missing his soul. Instead he picks back up instantly and says no problem, we'll try again. It may take another month, it may take six months, we'll get there. We have to let nature take its course.

I love when he says things like this because, although it betrays his naivete, at least I feel for the moment like I can count on him. He promised. We'll try again. He'll be supportive. He wants this. I just hope it's as easy as he thinks.