10dpo

I have worked for my firm for 2.5 years and NEVER in that time have I ever had as stressful a day as I did yesterday. On top of having about 14 billable hours of work to do I had a conversation that left me physically shaking by its mid-point. I couldn't get over the stress for the rest of the day (I lost sleep over it too) and having to stay late, having to subject my furbabies to another day without a walk, made me even more upset. Then my furbabies, having not had their walk, kept me up all night. Well at least the hours that I wasn't already kept up by the stress of the day's events.

I also found out yesterday that another of my FB friends is pregnant. Yay her. I actually wrote a congratulatory comment which I usually refrain from. In fact I have not left one comment - baby-related or otherwise - on my due-date buddy's page since I lost my pregnancy. That's almost one year, for those who are counting. For some reason I just felt in a generous mood yesterday - maybe I was hoping for some good karma.

And I found out that one of my co-worker's wives is pregnant. Whee.



And then I woke up this morning and my temp had dipped from 97.9, where it's been for a solid four days to 97.7. Bummer. I could feel the hope draning from my body. I could feel the AF cramps coming. And then I peed on a stick to put me out of my misery...

I know it's hard (impossible?) to see in this post, it's clearer on the actual camera and even clearer IRL. It was taken sometime between the 5-10 minute mark and that is a second line. Very faint. But it is only 10dpo. And I am as sure as a person can be of that O date.

I have stared at a lot of positive pee sticks over the last year - dozens, literally. Each and every one has meant beta hell and bad news. They were caused by an inviable pregnancy and cancer. So while my hope is renewed for another day, I consider myself in beta hell until proven otherwise.

The plan is just to wait over the weekend. Wait to see if AF arrives anyway. Wait to see if the lines get darker or lighter. If AF stays away, I'm going in for a beta on Monday.