Fa la la la la

Last night my billion-yr-old neighbor stopped by to tell us that our fur baby was out-of-control barking all day long yesterday. This is the second time he's had to tell us and he's already complained to animal control once. I am in a panic over the poor dog - I think her bark collar stopped working...or she got used to it. And the ultrasonic devices we set up are apparently having no effect. My worst nightmare is her being impounded - I think I'd have a meltdown on the order of losing a family member or something. So of course, as soon as I hear she's being a problem again, that's right where my mind goes and I pretty much have a meltdown anyway. I got her a new collar, DH and I are making plans to put a dog run in on the other side of the house, the neighbor sounds like he understands that we're willing to do whatever it takes (just please please please don't call animal control again!) but I can understand why he'd be annoyed. I'm glad he's talking to us for now instead of authorities. But this process is trial and error. And I so worry about my furbaby.

I "worked from home" today to see how she did with the new bark collar and to do some last minute christmas shopping. On my VERY last trip - it was to a candy shop called "see" with an s at the end - I get to the cash register after 1/2 hour in traffic 15 minutes to find parking, and 15 minutes in line, and lo, my wallet is not there. I fumbled around in my purse for a while and checked all my pockets, but to no avail; I had become that girl at the register with an armful of gifts and no wallet. Eff, I must have pulled it out of my purse while I was looking for my reading glasses at home. So I get back in my car and go all the way home. And still no wallet. So I turn my house and my car upside down, all my pockets inside out. No wallet. Effing awesome. And I have to add here that I NEVER lose stuff. I am compulsive about most things, including my wallet. COMPULSIVE. Like I check every five minutes to make sure it's still in my purse and I refuse to leave it in the car, even hidden, in case someone breaks in. Even today, I could remember exactly the last place I touched it. (I think when I was on my way to my car I dropped it into my purse without looking and accidently ended up dropping it onto the parking lot without realizing it.) I heard a survey once saying that more people would rather lose their wallet than their phone if they had to lose one. Not me, losing my wallet is like losing an arm. And five years off my life for all the stress it causes.

This means that now I'm not only down a whole billable day at work, on edge about the dog, fully hemorrhaging money, but also without enough gifts, without any form of cash, no drivers license, and about two days worth of dog run building, DMV visiting, and credit card company calling to get in before next week. I am seriously about to have a meltdown.

From 1dpo I have been convinced that this cycle had no chance. That there was too much stress in my life to grow a baby. I still maintain that it will be a miracle if anything good comes out of this. Every day that passes seems like I've just gone and f--ed things up again by getting stressed or upset or getting overheated or eating the wrong things or doing something too jarring or physical or not drinking enough water. Sometimes I wish I could have a do-over. Like ok, NOW I'm ready for a bfp. Now I will do it justice - I will deserve it. Erase all that stuff that happened before, I'll start over and I'll do it better this time. I'm told it just doesn't work this way.

Fortunately, all the chaos has kept my mind off of pregnancy (other than the whole worry about worrying cycle), and has kept me off of google. And nothing really seems wrong so far. No cramping, no spotting, my symptoms, while light, are still kicking. I haven't gotten a fever or done any of the BIG no-no's. So maybe this isn't a lost cause. There I go ruminating again, I'll be better off back in the chaos...

But before I go, can I just say that the deluge of family christmas cards and photos of kids is getting downright annoying? I used to look forward to a time when I could send one out too. But I'm about to be so annoyed that even if I do have a little one I may never do it. You know what they say about how people become better looking the nicer, better people they are? Well, turns out that it goes for their kids too. I'm really only annoyed at picutes of kids and "our year in essay form" from couples that I am not particularly fond of. I have to admit to being genuinely interested in the kids of those couples that are true friends. Like the nice couples have cuter kids and more interesting lives.

Merry Christmas everyone!