14 dpo

Beta is 319.

I'm shaking like a leaf (that can't be good for the...um....blastocyst). There is hope.

I had to open that calendar I was talking about before. My obg made me schedule my first u/s appointment. I wanted to wait - what's the use for an u/s appointment now? We don't really know anything yet except that there is still hope. She was afraid that if I waited for the second beta I wouldn't be able to get in early enough. We scheduled the u/s the same week as that fateful last prenatal appointment a year ago. Right after new year's. This time, if things go well until then, I will be in my 8th week. The appointment is for Jan 6. Luckily, 6 is my lucky number. Unluckily, I don't believe in luck.

Next beta is Wed. morning. The obg said I could do a third on friday if I wanted reassurance. I don't know if a third will be better or worse for me. I probably won't get it, given how stressed out I have been today. I can't keep doing this to myself. And my blastocyst.

I know there is this unanswered question hanging out there about my obg and why I haven't switched if she is such a hateful bitch. More on that later - suffice it to say that now I'm just 'using' her for getting my beta numbers. For now, after six hours of waiting for that result, I need to find a way to distract myself from this.