11dpo

The line today was a huge disappointment. It was still there but it was still impossibly faint and took the full 10 minutes to show up. ZERO percent darker than yesterday's. zero. I'm trying to tell myself that at these levels (I'd say the number can't be more than 10-20 - judging from the numerous HPTs I've done on the same day as a beta) a time span of 23 hours between tests doesn't guarantee much of a change in color. I made that guess - 10 to 20 before looking at the HCG value chart which states that the median HCG value for 10dpo is 16, 11dpo is 24, and 12 dpo is 37. So maybe I'm right on track. Or maybe I'm full of sh**. I half expect AF to not only show up, but to show up right on time - which would be anytime between tomorrow and monday.

There is the whole - each test is different, each pee sample is different - and these are seriously cheap tests. Still though, I wish I didn't have to keep telling myself these things. I wish it was just darker. Whatever. It's 11dpo. I shouldn't be playing with pee sticks this early anyway. I deserve what I get. Way to make the 2ww even more torturous, Astrid!

My symptoms seem..."more" which is nice. I feel really warm. I fluctuate between feeling like I couldn't stomach eating anything to being in a state where I'm shaking with starvation. My nipples are occasionally sore. I have that heavy-but-not-exactly-like-AF feeling. I feel dizzy and out of it. And here's something weird (and tmi) - sex feels different. I remember this from my first pregnancy - is it just me? It seems to hurt in certain positions - not much, but noticeably.

Also had a huge jump in temp today. Though it was so big I'm wondering if it was a fluke.

This whole thing might be a fluke. On one hand, it is comforting that sperm and egg have met, once again. On try #2 no less. On the other, if it is impossible for me to have a healthy pregnancy, this could be over before it's begun and could have dire implications for the future. One more choromosomal problem data point.

I need to keep my wild conjectures in check. I'm starting to wonder if I should have just waited to see if AF came before testing. Or if I should move to every-other-day HPTs. But I don't think I could ever exercise that kind of self-restraint. So here I sit. And continue to obsess. And while I'm at it I'm sending good vibes to the others of you who are in the 2ww. May yours have swifter resolution than mine.