"HCG Results Day" or "I've had it up to here"

I got my blood drawn last Friday. Morning. So W(hy)TF haven't I gotten my results yet? Every time I call in for my results the nurse says something patronizing like "the doctor will call you back when they're ready, like she always does." And yet....here I sit....almost time for my next weekly draw and I still don't have them. I'm going to call - under the guise that I'm also trying to find out what Dr. GO says about wait time. Dr. OBG said she was going to check with him as to whether the testing/waiting process needed to be 'tweaked' at all. Let us pray.

UPDATE: The nurse called me back. My levels are "still at zero." Which could mean anything coming from Dr. OBG - recall a couple weeks ago when she said "your levels are FIVE! Which is basically zero!" even though the previous week they had been two. So the levels had gone up and she tried to convince me that five was still a good result. I was almost in tears. And recall that the first time my levels were two she said that was basically zero too. And I said "isn't there a lower number, like 'less than 2?'" and she said, and I quote, "not really." Which is obviously crap. Because the next week I did get "less than two" and it was pretty damn monumental, according to Dr. OBG. And recall that she said five weeks ago that "now that your levels are negative we'll do weekly testing for four weeks and then go to monthly." But now that they're at a true zero we're doing six more weeks of weekly testing?? So results that were 5 or 2 weren't really negative enough after all? Basically I draw from all this that 'zero' means whatever the eff she wants it to mean. She thinks she's protecting me by telling me what she thinks I want to hear and assumes that what I want to hear is the best case scenario, but the lack of honesty just makes me so angry. And the nurse said that Dr. OBG wanted me to know that Dr. GO said to go ahead with the 7.5 month plan.

Feeling a bit of rage coming on over all of this (I am really thinking more seriously than ever about getting a new OBG) I called Dr. GO immediately for an explanation. Dr. OBG is clearly uninterested in talking to me. The receptionist at gynecologic oncology told me I'd have to make an appointment for this kind of conversation. I called BS...as politely as possible. I told them I'd been talking to him about my case over the phone for months and had already come in once and that I was pretty sure he'd be ok with a phone conversation. I am pretty sure. And I have SO had it with this cryptic arbitrary treatment and testing schedule and lack of honest communication. I HAVE HAD IT. Goddamnit, I want some answers - I've gone six months without any and now I want some. Real ones, not sugar coated, not overly conservative, I don't want textbook answers if I'm not a textbook case. I want customized treatment. Or at the very least, the facts. Plain and simple. I want someone to explain to me the logic behind a 7 month wait. It would be nice if Dr. OBG could justify changing her mind from four weekly tests to TEN but I'm sure that's asking too much. Call me demanding but this is my fucking life they're messing with. Good lord, if AF hadn't just ended I'd swear I was PMSing.

I also wish someone would say - "it really is up to you, these are just our recommendations" and then explain their recommendations. If they don't want me going to the internet, then perhaps they should provide some reasoning. Curiosity is human nature. So when they tell me to wait 7 months and don't tell me why, of course I'm going to second guess and do research on my own. I'd like them to at least acknowledge that I have some understanding of and control over my own situation, even though their recommendations are (arguably) more medically sound than anything I could come up with. It would be nice if they could just be a little more respectful of what I'm going through. Maybe then I'd respect their opinions more. And even if they don't say it, I'm hereby changing the protocol and doing bi-weekly blood tests instead of weekly. I'm going on with my bad self. Don't try to stop me.

UPDATE II: Dr. GO's office called back. A receptionist. She said "Dr. GO COMPLETELY agrees with Dr. OBG" and that if I have any other questions I need to make an appointment. I asked if I could make an appointment to talk to him on the phone. "No, you'd need to come in." I said I didn't understand, I only need a five minute conversation with him and coming in would take an hour and a half and I just don't have the time with my job in this economy. I actually said the words "in this economy." And I wasn't bluffing, I actually don't have the time. This is part of the reason I'm changing to bi-weekly testing. I have a lot going on at work and a great deal of pressure and the added risk of getting a pay cut if I don't put in enough hours in the next few months.

Am I being unreasonable? Will someone please tell me if I should tone it down (or up - maybe i just need to grow a couple)? I wouldn't take no for an answer - I just kept telling the receptionist yes, I understand what the plan is, I just need a rationale. No one has told me why they've agreed on this treatment plan. I need to know if Dr. GO thinks I have GTD, is that why the long wait? I feel like crying, I just don't understand this. Are they afraid to give me an explanation? Afraid they'll get sued? Afraid to tell me too much? Afraid it might cause "patient anxiety?" Was he lying when he said "feel free to call with any questions?" Fuckers. I feel trapped. And helpless. As if having something like this happen to me isn't traumatic enough. Now my own doctors won't even talk to me.