"HCG results day" or "I wish I had a Xanax"

I got another HCG beta yesterday. I called this morning and the receptionist said the Dr. would call me back. This means the results are in. If they had not been in, the receptionist would have said "the results are still pending, please call back later." I then got a (kind of rude) message back from Dr. OBG's assistant saying "Dr. OBG will call you back when all the results are in - as she usually does." Like, pipe down and quit calling us. We'll call you. First off, they don't usually call me. They forget all. the. time. I really have had to keep on that office to get my results. And still I've missed at least one that I know of. It's been incredibly frustrating, actually, so imagine my disgust at being talked down to like this after all this micro management I've had to do. Secondly, if the results are now in and Dr. OBG has taken the time to talk to the receptionist about how to respond to me, why didn't she leave the HCG number in the message? It would have taken half a second to check the computer screen and relay the number. Why didn't she? Was she away from the computer and just hasn't gotten back to it in the last three hours?....

...or was the result bad and she's checking with the oncologist about what to tell me? I've said before that a late answer means a bad answer. It always has.

Recall also that it's not possible that the results just aren't in yet, since I would have been told if that was the case. So it's probably a bad result.

I guess that makes sense. I had such a fantastic day yesterday, I'm due for some major disappointment and additional traumatic stress. Well that's not true about yesterday. Yesterday was sleep-deprived and stressful at work and full of angst over some issues with the new puppy. But I got a gentle leader which solved most of my puppy issues and we had the best walk since getting her yesterday evening. (PS Get one of these gentle leader deals if you have a dog that pulls or gets aggressive or anxious on the leash. It will change your life. I'm not kidding. In so many ways. Not the least of which is that you will be more popular in your neighborhood because you will be a more sane, humane, and effective dog parent. And your dog will stop being a terrorist. Which is good for you and your dog. And your neighbors.) So I had such a fantastic hour yesterday. So it makes sense that shit should rain down upon me today. So here I sit. And wait for it.

UPDATE: Level went up three points. It's now 5. It "more than doubled." What an awful outcome. Dr. OBG said she wanted more than anyone to tell me today that it was a true zero! She was so disappointed that it was 5. Not as disappointed as me. But she tried to stay upbeat saying thankfully, no change in treatment - meaning no chemo...yet. Just keep waiting it out is the plan. She was trying to be optimistic 'cause she could hear the disappointment in my voice and my words. The first thing she said was "it's five...which is essentially zero!" Which is BS. It's not zero when you've been waiting for five months for it to be zero and numbers go from two to five. Don't BS me. I asked what the levels have to be for me to start cycling again. She said "less than five," not realizing probably the gravity of that remark. She probably said that 'cause she wanted me to think I'm in the range. But what I heard was that now I'm one point above the 'cycling normally maximum'? I HATE this. On one hand, given the trend in my levels, three points up is no big deal and I'm not super worried. On the other, that little mini AF is behind me, there's no indication that I'll shed any more tissue in the next week, I'm now even farther from my last MTX injection, so if something is still growing it will have every opportunity to thrive in the next few weeks. Let's hope not. I'm getting so tired of this.