"HCG Results Day" or "Has it been a week already?"

The quality of having time both fly faster than you ever thought or wanted to be possible and simultaneously crawl by at an unbearable wretchedly slow pace may be one of those unique characteristics of the IF world. This has certainly been a theme in my life lately.



The Big Fight between me and DH got worse before it got better. But I think it's dissipating now. I am just gauging by the unsolicited kiss goodbye I got this morning. And the fact that he slept in the same room as me last night. This has been a real doozy and I hope never to repeat it. It's been crunchy and ugly and sad, not one of those 'productive' fights where you both learn something and are closer or better off for having gone through it. This was just based on a misunderstanding and a direct difference of opinion and stubbornness (and DH's inability to be logical or sensitive about anything! oh, sorry, and I was trying so hard to be civil about this). I had a dream in the midst of The Big Fight that I had lost my wedding rings. Just plain they were gone. I couldn't find them and I was kind of frantic about it. Definitely a stress dream. I'm not much for interpreting dreams or signs or believing in the paranormal or being superstitious...and if I'm being really honest with myself the dream probably had more to do with vanity and insecurity than anything else (oh no, i broke up with my husband, which means no more wedding ring...but it was so pretty, and i felt so legitimate with it on). But I do wonder if it could have meant something else... Like was it a directive? Was it foretelling of what's to come? I'm not going down that path.



My beta stick yesterday was a bummer. It was my old friend 'perfect shot' guy. I forgot my squeezy stress-ball duck that i usually bring to grip on to ('cause they don't always provide stress-balls in this lab - sometimes you're left just squeezing your hand around itself as tight as you can and I swear I find that so uncomfortable) because I had left it in my 'other' purse. So perfect shot guy (who is aware that I carry my own stress ball around with me for the purpose of these draws and thus asked where the duck was) and I talked about purse fetishes and how his wife has two louis vuitton's and a gucci and some burberries. I usually stick to coach, I said. $450 is pretty much my very highest limit on what I'm willing to spend on a purse and I really try not to do it more than once a year. We also talked about where his wife and I go shopping - there are some nice (and dangerous) high-end malls around this area. I'm going to one of them this weekend to get my hair cut and a father's day present. DH is going on a weekend trip with the boys this weekend, so I will be alone. At the (high-end) mall. This is going to be trouble, I just know it. I might mention here that DH and I have separate bank accounts still.



Anyway, perfect shot guy had to stick me twice. Despite being a perfect shot. The first time, my vein just plain ran out of blood. It was going really slowly and then, all of the sudden, there just wasn't anymore - like when you suck the last part of your drink through a straw and you're left with just bubbles and air going up the straw instead. "I guess that's it," I thought, "you bastards have taken ALL of my blood....There is NO more." That's one way to get my beta HCG to zero.



But of course there was another vein. Because I have two that are available for blood draws. Thank god it's not just the one. The first one, we concluded, is too scarred up and consequently shrunken to get any blood from anymore. It's really taken a beating this year. Poor thing. The second one, which originally was smaller than the first, is now our best bet. You might say it's our only hope since no phlebotomist has ever successfully gotten blood from any vein other than these two. And #2 worked but now I look like a heroine addict. Again.



Dr. OBG is out of town this week and next. So all rules I know about how long it takes for the office to respond and what that says about my levels are meaningless today - this is somewhat relaxing. Maybe I'll get some work done.


UPDATE: Dr. not-my-usual-OBG called me back as soon as she got in this morning. This was very much appreciated by me. The level is back to 2. This has caused me to take a giant sigh of relief but I am still not rejoicing in the halls because she says they really should get to "less than 2" before they can proclaim that I have reached my goal.