Thirteen weeks

In honor of the beginning of the second trimester I am going to try to start trying to tip the balance of my mental state towards excitement and away from worry. I will always worry, but I think it will be good for not only my mental state, but also the health of the little one, to start believing that this is real. That this could actually happen for me and DH.

To this end, I proudly donned my new bella band for the first time today (bliss!) and I told C about the pregnancy. She had sent me an invite for a champagne and chocolate tasting this afternoon which normally I would be really excited about but instead I figured - here's my opportunity to say something. So I walked into her office and she goes "you look really skinny today!" It was a complement, she always remarks about my clothes or how I look and it's always something nice - or at least neutral. I've been getting a lot of "you look very 'flowy' today" because of all the loose clothes I've been wearing. Apparently it wasn't necessary if I still look 'skinny.' "That's so funny," I responded, "because I was just coming to tell you that I have a secret. You can't tell anyone yet." She knew immediately. "It's only 13 weeks," I said. I still have trouble attributing pregnancy to myself - "I'm only 13 weeks" is what I should have said. And I still can't get away from the idea that it's still early and precarious. I could have left out the 'only' too.

She was a sweetheart and we talked for a while. I'm now debating whether to tell V because the three of us are pretty close, despite V's lack of a filter - we're the three girls around the same age in this office and we tend to stick together. Although V is very nosy and even inappropriate at times, she's very supportive of things like this and has two OBGs in her immediate family so she's probably a wealth of information.

I am waaay not ready to tell the rest of my office. Ideally I would wait until after my 17 week appointment. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I'm going to start a weekly check in trend similar to other girls in the 'sphere....

How far along? 13w0d - yay for the second tri.

Maternity clothes? I'm wearing a bella band for the first time and I love it. I still can't believe C said I looked skinny. It's like the equivalent of 'spanx' for pregnant women plus I can tell my current pant collection is going to last a lot longer into pregnancy than I thought.

Stretch marks? No. I haven't started applying any lotion or anything yet either...I should do that. Anyone have recommendations for safe and effective lotions or balms? I certainly am not very big yet but I do get itchy which I think means my skin is stretching.

Sleep? I haven't had problems falling asleep. Lately 'fatigue' has returned as a symptom so I'm out pretty early. The thing is, I get woken up by our younger fur baby bounding around the bed and running through the house in the middle of the night and after this week's scare when she fell on top of me - all this bounding around stresses me out and makes it hard for me to get back to sleep until she settles down. There seem to be a lot of reasons spouses sleep in different beds during pregnancy and I'm thinking I might need to just sleep in another room. The stress, plus the risk of getting jumped on plus the lack of sleep is really not a good combo. And I hate to say it but I think DH would rather I slept in another room than go through the heartbreaking move of banishing the dogs from the bed. It's ok, I understand.

Best moment this week? Seeing the little peanut (three times in the last week actually) moving around yesterday after the dog incident. I felt conflicted about making the appointment because it felt a little like crying wolf but it really helped put my mind at ease and gave me what I needed to get excited.

Movement? Zero.

Food cravings? Curly fries. Sushi. Hot dogs (I'm a vegetarian so this is weird).

Gender? No idea. Despite all the u/s's, no one would venture a guess. I don't blame them. DH has a 'feeling' it's a girl and yesterday the nurse referred to it as "she" and then took a minute to say "oh, or he." I know she couldn't possibly know from the u/s - it's just funny that "she" came out of her mouth so naturally.

Labor signs? Nope.

What I miss? Not worrying so much about my body. I know it's designed to protect but I feel like I'm made of glass sometimes.

What I'm looking forward to? The natural, healthy end to morning sickness.

Weekly Wisdom: I stole this from someone's comment so apologies for not remembering who said this - I loved it and it's helped me a lot over the last few days: When you worry you suffer twice.

Milestones: End of the first tri.

Emotions: Out of control. I cry every night over something. Last night I woke up and tried to imagine telling my parents and that made me sob uncontrollably.