More salt

DH and I have a group of friends from college that we hang out with two or three times a year. New Year's, summer bbq, that kind of thing. One couple had their baby last year - the kid is now about 10 months and they are the luckiest parents on earth. He is SO happy and content and just good, all around. We went to that couple's house today for a get-together and found out, when we saw couple #2, that they too are joining the Parents Club. I was caught totally off guard, I remembered her being a lot skinnier last winter but neither me nor DH had heard anything about the news...then I ask "what's new" not wanting to put my foot directly in my mouth, and she announces she's expecting twins in November. Awesome.

So we spent all afternoon fawning over the baby and talking about pregnancy and motherhood and it was all a bit much. But I handled it fine. Until.....

We were leaving and there were a couple pregnancy books by the door and the hostess says: "Well I got these out for [couple #2] but she said she already has them....so they're free for the taking if they could come in handy someday!" She actually left them out long after couple #2 had left and then brought my attention to them in case I might want them. It would have been super cute had I not been in the midst of a fertility nightmare. But as it were, I was devastated. DH said to me, nonchalantly, "oh is there something you're not telling me?" he was just playing along. And I said, somewhat bitterly, which they can interpret any way they want I really don't care, "I'm pretty sure I won't be needing those any time soon." Which is true. Because I won't be pregnant any time soon. AND because, and I wish I could have said this, to sort of express my pain, I too have the books already.

I cried in the car on the way home. Not too much, but it was surprising to me that I let such a little thing get to me. People are going to get pregnant, have healthy babies, talk about them, and even inquire about me and DH in round about, and not so round about, ways. I get it. I'm ok with it. I have time. I have a good life. I've accepted that I'll be waiting for a bit before trying again. But the tears came anyway.

On an interesting side note, at one point DH asked the husband of couple #2 on what side of the family the twins came from. He said, "we've been getting that question a lot. It's actually not from either side." And then he kind of trailed off. Which makes me wonder...IVF twins? He also mentioned at one point "it's really a blessing." And it wasn't a throw away cliche line - he said it like he meant it. So maybe they had trouble? Don't know, wasn't going to ask. The husband said they didn't know yet if the twins were fraternal or identical, which raised an interesting question in my mind since I have so far had the fortunate liberty to not have to learn anything about IVF: From what I've read it seems a sometimes side-effect of IVF is multiples. Which makes me think IVF twins would usually be fraternal. But again, I am admittedly quite ignorant. Does anyone know? Are IVF twins typically fraternal? Or are they just as likely to be identical?

One more thing, my phone rang during the party. I got to it too late and listened to the message. And it was the bridesmaid I talked about in my previous post, wanting to regale me with stories of early pregnancy and relief at having gotten this far. Awesome.

I'm really glad to be home.