Assertivity

I never heard from my OBG (Dr. OBG) yesterday. Which only mildly pissed me off until it occurred to me this morning that I would not hear from her today either. It's her day off. And tomorrow is Friday. The day she signed me up to get my fourth dose of MTX having never consulted my gyn-oncologist (Dr. GO) who is not in favor of continuing the MTX unless it's working which is hard to tell at present. So the first possible time Dr. OBG could return my call is conceivably after I undergo my fourth, possibly unnecessary, dose of MTX. The realization of this fact, paired with the fact that Dr. OBG knows when my MTX injection is and knows that I want to talk to her and still has not made an effort made me spectacularly irritated. I know yesterday I was all about "up the dose," but I am now questioning whether it's working at all and I really don't want to subject my poor system to more MTX than is necessary. And I would like to start Provera as soon as possible, per Dr. GO's instructions, which I also planned to raise with Dr. OBG. These are important, time-sensitive decisions, she is flying absolutely blind having admittedly little experience with GTD, and I have given her every opportunity to respond to my concerns. I am over it. I am seriously considering dealing only with Dr. GO and then going to someone else in the department when this whole thing is over, should I ever be lucky enough (and brave enough) to get knocked up again. I think all I will have say to my new OBGYN is "my last pregnancy was a partial mole" and I will be signed up for an early u/s and serial beta HCGs. I don't need Dr. OBG's help.



So first thing today when I got into the office, I called Dr. GO's office. "I would like a call back from Dr. GO please regarding my treatment." He will supposedly call me back. (1 point)


I also exercised self-help to an office plant sitting in a dark corner by the elevators which I assumed no one would miss. (1 point) Our offices have big fish-bowl windows facing inward towards the hallway so a lot of people put plants in their windows to try to maintain some semblance of at least partial privacy, futile though this may be. I used to have a ficus that I had brought from home but I had to take it back home the other day to re-pot it. So I figured I'd give the poor little plant next to the elevator some light and put it in my office. But the plant-waterer-guy came around and told me that he had to take it and return it to its dark corner since it had not been 'assigned' to me and had the wrong color pot. Apparently the pots inside peoples' offices are black and the ones in the lobby areas are copper. (PS there are plenty of copper-potted plants in peoples' offices) Really? You're taking my plant? I felt like crying right then and there. It was too much. This is one of those days when the welled-up tears are sitting just on top of my eyelids, ready to spill over at any minute. Like if I just blink real hard, I will actually produce a tear or two.

So then, feeling defiant, just two days after a pretty serious layoff at my company, I make a call to see if I can get a plant 'assigned' to me. I know this is a petty, self-indulgent request and maybe I should just sit in my plant-less office and be grateful I have a job, but in the spirit of the new assertive leaf I'm turning over, thank you Babychaser, I told the company I wanted a freaking plant, damnit. (1 point) But not in those words, exactly. (-.5 point) They said they contacted the head of some office-plant-related department because apparently getting an office plant is a big production, and someone will be getting back to me.

Then a colleague came in and asked if I can do a speaking event in two weeks. Dear readers, there is NOTHING I hate more than having my health and my ability to conceive in jeopardy. But aside from that, there is NOTHING I hate more than public speaking. I had to take anxiety meds in law school over this phobia. It really effs with my physical health, not to mention my emotional stability. The good employee thing to do two days after a lay off would have been to jump at the chance to be a team player. But I need to take care of myself right now. So I said no. (1 point) But my spine is still a little soft and I also I'd get back to her about maybe doing a different date, farther in the future. (-1 point) Damn.

UPDATE: Dr. GO hasn't called me back so I went to schedule my MTX injection to make sure I could get in just in case that is the best option (-70000 points). And guess what, Dr. OBG hasn't sent the request to the infusion center so I can't get an appointment. I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense when he realizes he's dead and no one (except that kid) is actually interacting directly with him. Invisible. Helpless. This isn't working. Maybe I can't become Ms. Assertive overnight. Baby steps.

Oh and the infusion center says it's going to call me back too. So that's like eight dozen calls I have coming. I'm taking guesses on how many I'll actually receive.