To find a second opinion

Getting administrative things done in my life, you know, like taking the car in, going to the dentist, checking my credit card bills, often falls by the wayside and for me is a little like cleaning house. I put it off and put it off, but then I have a threshold beyond which I can't take any more buildup. I can't put it off any longer. So whatever I'm doing when the 'clutter' reaches that threshold, I just stop doing that, and turn my attention to the mess. I don't worry that I won't get it done, it's inevitable that I will. Because it's inevitable that the pile up will continue and I'll reach that point where I just have to deal with it. It's just a matter of when. And that when is the time when the angst over not dealing with it overcomes the bliss of not thinking about it. The only thing I ever really worry about is whether DH's threshold will be reached before mine. That he'll get all frustrated because I haven't taken care of things I should have. You see he doesn't have as much faith in my "threshold system" as I do. I WILL get to it. I assure you.

This has been one of those threshold weeks. On both the cleaning and administrative fronts. The house and the car! got cleaned this weekend and I feel SO much better about life. And that will last for at least a few days until the house and the car are both covered over again by a fine layer of dog hair, crumbs, dirty dishes, and dead summer bug carcasses.

But more importantly, on the administrative side, not only did I finally make that dentist appointment (and thank god since their "first available" wasn't until September!) but I also called a NEW gynecologic oncologist for a second opinion. There was another one in this state after all (part of my administrative accomplishments this weekend was scouring the internet for another group that has one). I am still trying to work out the details with my insurance, and I don't have a name yet, but I've spoken to the Gyn/Onc nurse and he's trying to set me up, and really 80% of the game is getting off the couch and just doing it, right? So I've done it. I am much more motivated to get a second opinion (and potentially new doctors) than I thought I was, now that I've actually taken the first step. I'm a little apprehensive - what if my current doctors find out and get even more enraged than they already are? Then they might really make me wait!! Just kidding, I don't really care if they find out. I feel PERFECTLY justified in getting a second opinion. In fact, it makes me feel like I'm being smart - they should completely understand and sympathize. Especially since I can't get a strait answer from either Dr. OBG or Dr. GO - they know what they don't know, so to speak. So they shouldn't feel like this decision of mine is anything but perfectly rational.

I wasn't sure how to describe my situation to the new office. I said I was interested in getting a second opinion as to the treatment my doctors had prescribed.....It's not exactly treatment if the directions are to do nothing, right? But on the other hand, it was the only way I could simplify a very complicated situation in a way that got my point accross. I guess it sounds a little more urgent than it actually is - I'm not being hooked up to an IV this afternoon and trying to decide whether it's really necessary or anything. But, on the other hand, I've been given enough conflicting opinions and enough arbitrary directions and enough MTX treatments that I deserve to know, yesterday, what I really should be doing. The lingering doubt I am wrestling with is the likelihood that I may not feel any more comfortable having contacted a new set of doctors than I do with my own. They also may not know what's wrong with me, my current Dr. GO is known as the best in all the land. The new dr's may prescribe the same thing because it does sound 'reasonable,' even I can admit. And then I'll be left with just the same frustrations and, on top of that, a sense of having betrayed my doctors. But like I said, the betrayal thing doesn't really bother me.

In other news, today is cycle day 28. I am eagerly awaiting the second coming of AF. But she is nowhere to be found as yet. My cycles pre-pregnancy were a pretty reliable 30 days so I'm not freaking out yet. But as the days go on and she doesn't show, the worry will be that the HCG has gone back up.

I was going to be a rebel today - HCG testing day - and not get tested until next week. But maybe for my own reassurance I will get the draw.