HCG Results Day

Results: zero

Instructions: test again in one week.

Really? I was so hoping I would graduate to the once-a-month testing schedule today. I've been testing at least once a week since about April. My levels have been in the zero range for over a month. Less than two for one month.

Again it was Dr. OBG's automaton assistant giving me the news so I couldn't break through the protective force Dr. OBG has artfully constructed around herself against anyone who's actually interested in getting any information as to their treatment or prognosis.

There are two reasons I dislike HCG Results Day. One is that as soon as I get up in the morning I'm apprehensive about getting "the call." When is it going to come? Should I wait by the phone? Will I get to talk to Dr. OBG? And most importantly by far, what will the news be? I get really worried, every single time, that the news will be bad.

The second reason I dislike HCG Results Day is that 99% of the time, the call itself leaves me feeling angry, whether or not the news is good. I get angry at not hearing from Dr. OBG after I've registered some very reasonable questions with her staff and with Dr. GO's staff. I get angry that she continues down the road of this ridiculous testing schedule that has no logic behind it, given my unique situation. I get angry that whatever I'm told on the phone, whether it's the Dr. or her assistant, all I hear is a hyper defensive voice saying "you can't sue me, I've covered all my bases." And whatever they're actually saying to me is about as helpful as that.

I am glad I got tested though because now, if AF is late (which would be understandable, I don't think I should expect my cycles to be 'regular' immediately after the ordeal I've had ) I won't worry so much that my HCG has come back up. And now I'm even tempted to get another draw next week, as I was told to do, even though I know it's unnecessary because I really do want to get Dr. OBG's blessing to test only once a month. And the sooner I go in for my next test, the sooner I might get that blessing. Why her blessing is important to me, given my opinion of her, is beyond me. I think it's 'cause I don't have anyone else's opinion to go on - my second opinion Dr's office hasn't gotten back to me. Also, I know that she's being conservative which tells me that if I follow her advice, I should be fine at the very least, even if the process is a bit protracted.

I think there's also a part of me who will feel a little scared of only checking in once a month. Once a week seems ridiculously over-frequent for my situation...but once a month seems like an eternity. And one day, I know, I will not have to go in at all..... Weird to think about now. But after six months of this, I'm sure I'll be ready to leave it all behind.

By my calculations, my Dec. cycle will fall six months after my HCG hit zero. So right now, that's the date I'm targeting for TTC (although my ticker is counting down to a conservative January 1, 2010). I keep reading journal articles that recommend a six month wait so I don't know why I would wait 7.5 as Dr. OBG has suggested. Whether or not I'll get Dr. OBG's blessing on a December start, and whether I'll be brave enough to go for it without her blessing remains to be seen. It also remains to be seen whether my HCG will stay at zero between now and then so I think I'll focus on that for now. And be grateful.