That couple

DH turned 33 last weekend. We had a bbq with some friends to celebrate and even though it was our party, it was like we were that couple at a kids' get-together. After we had picked out the guest list we noticed that every single person we had invited - friends we've been friends with for ages, since college at least and some further back - have kids between 1 and 3. Just so happens. Everyone. Instead of feeling isolated or depressed about it, I was excited and I couldn't feel more fortunate to be getting this chance to join that group.

We also hadn't told any of these people about the pregnancy yet. DH wanted to run an experiment. He wanted to not say anything and wait for someone to say something. "There is NO way any of our friends are going to say anything," I insisted. "No. Way." I was sure. I've blogged before about how sensitive and mature our friends are and how much discretion they have. One thing I'll say for ourselves, we've done a good job surrounding ourselves with good people. But DH wanted to try it out anyway. He comes from a Greek background where people say what they're thinking and where they probably don't even have a word for "intrusive." So we didn't say anything. I ran around, looking...thick....drinking only water, offering people sparkling apple cider along with the wine and beer selection. And our friends dutifully tiptoed around the subject. Even their subtle hints were a little too subtle, not something we could end the charade over - a tenement to the strength of their sensitivity. For example, DH was playing with the kids at one point - he is awesome with kids - and one of the fathers says "[DH] would make a great father." Later we found out he was trying to start a conversation with that comment but people say it so often that it had sailed right over my head.

Halfway through the party I declared myself the winner of the bet and started to feel like I wanted to tell people just so I could involve myself in the conversations that were going on...about daycare, breastfeeding, diaper choices, etc. DH made the announcement and as I expected, everyone had suspected. Everyone was thrilled, it opened up a new can of conversation topics, and it was nice to be...one of them. Finally.

I am the first to admit that I don't know what I don't know when it comes to parenting. I may think I have things figured out, I may think I will be able to manage, but I always qualify these thoughts with the understanding that I have no effing clue. For example, I think my dogs are good around kids. They seem like they put up well with having their toys taken away and tiny people using their bellies as drums. But I don't think I could possibly know all the things that a parent looks out for when their kid is around a dog. I was thrilled to learn that the parents loved our dogs and were totally ok with the way the kid-dog interactions were going. "Your dogs are fine, they'll be fine with a baby," one of the dads said. The others nodded emphatically. It was nice to have everyone's blessing. And I didn't just take them at their word - knowing how polite they all are. I watched them interact with their kids and the dogs, I watched for signs that they were trying to avoid the dogs or counseling their kids to to avoid them or getting stressed out by the situation, but there were no such signs.

Our friends were offering advice and anecdotes and we were part of the conversation for the first time. We could relate on some level, even though our child hasn't even been born yet. We didn't have any stories about what they were starting to pick up or how they act at bedtime or when they start a particular behavior, but we could understand why each of those things deserved a place in the conversation. We cared because it all had some relevance to our life. Instead of being hurt by the conversation, I was comforted. It really made me feel like I was taking the first steps to crossing over. To being a parent. And I loved it.