Thirty Weeks

How far along? 30w6d



Maternity clothes? Yes. I went shopping like I promised last weekend and came back with a couple T-shirts, a dress for the shower (and an upcoming work bbq) and a new handbag. Doesn't a handbag count as maternitywear? I don't care, I needed the retail therapy. It's a longchamp bag. The last handbag I'll ever need. I know this because I have a smaller bag made from the same leather, it's treated such that it won't scratch, it's waterproof, and it doesn't look 'treated' - it just looks sleek. It's a day-to-night bag and holds everything I need, even the occasional water bottle or book, without looking too huge. And it's probably the last purchase I'll make for myself for a loooong while (although I'm already thinking of getting the PX90 system for after delivery...anyone have any advice on that? Anything from "get it it's the best decision you'll ever make" to "forget it you moron, don't you know you won't even have an hour a day to yourself post-baby?")



Stretch marks? Belly is still clear. It's really starting to stretch though, I hope it stays this way. It's one of the last things I care about, really, but I wouldn't mind getting through this with my belly unscathed.

Bellybutton: Still goes in.


Sleep? I can still sleep! Oh and I do. And I'm starting to feel really tired lately. Like first-tri tired. The only thing keeping me from getting as much as I want is work and TV - has nothing to do with pregnancy. There are so many good shows on right now. E.g. so you think you can dance, hell's kitchen, kourtney and khloe take miami, I have a backup of glee episodes on my dvr, I'm a chelsea lately addict...I can't get enough of TV. I keep thinking TV is all I want during labor and I will never get bored spending all that time in the house during maternity leave.


Best moment this week? I had a good (read: uneventful) dr's appointment which was nice - baby is head-down (which I knew already because I've been feeling hiccups in my a$$ basically - sorry if TMI). I read some CPC post from a girl who said she was sent to the mayo clinic and that the mayo clinic's latest position on CPCs are that they don't increase your chances of trisomy with no other signs (so yes, I've still been googling, but I stopped after that one - quit while you're ahead, right?). But I think the BEST moments have been the ridiculously strong kicks I'm getting - to the ribs, to the guts, I don't care, it thrills me. It's starting to feel like an earthquake in there, like he's trying to get out through the side. Doesn't happen with that kind of strength all that often, maybe once a day or every other day, but man am I impressed by this little guy's forcefulness. It's really reassuring.

Worst moment? I hate how freaked out I am by my poor furbaby now with her bark collar. I make DH handle it as often as possible, I don't want to even be around it when it's on and when I know I'm going to get home before him and have to take the collar off, I worry a lot about how I'm going to do it without hurting myself again. The dog is a complete nutcase when we get home, very chaotic, jumping and yelping, and it's easy in that setting for the thing to go off accidentally. I'm downright phobic of it now and I really don't need that extra stress.

Movement? Still on days and off. But like I said, getting stronger. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it keeps me awake, and I love every minute of it.

Food cravings? Sweets. Fruit. I find I need more and more water every day.

Gender? Boy.

What I miss? Not being so paranoid.

What I look forward to: meeting my baby.

Pre-Baby To-Do list: We crossed off "find a pediatrician." Now on the list are things like survive the shower, finish the nursery (pretty much just need to assemble the bureau and hang a quilt, everything else is done!), four days of baby/birth classes, and there will be some mad-dash shopping after the shower for sure since we're only leaving about 4 weeks between the shower and the due date and probably won't buy a thing before hand.

Milestones: We went to our first baby class - it was infant emergencies and CPR. It was taught by an older guy who has been a paramedic for decades and it was pretty hard to hear all the horrible stuff that can happen. What a life that guy must have lead so far - all the things he must've seen. I thought the class was very helpful. Sure there was a lot of common sensiness, but also a lot of things that I wouldn't have thought of, plus the essential skills like CPR and baby heimlich.

Emotions: I am a complete and utter emotional mess. This week I've come home from work crying, and cried myself to sleep twice. I've cried at radio commercials and TV. There are a lot of factors here. Work has been awful - not only too busy, but also one of those weeks where you realize you just can't be friends with a superior - can't trust them, need to realize they don't care about you, etc. I was treated horribly this week, with disrespect and broken deals and just felt walked all over and used and unappreciated by one of the partners whom I most trust, despite doing extremely good work on an impossibly tight schedule AND going beyond 'above and beyond.' I also got in a fight with my mom which didn't help. And of course, everything is made so much more fragile by my fear about the baby's health. I keep thinking I will be a new person once he arrives safe and sound. And not just in the usual "i'm a new parent" sense. More in a "my brain is better balanced, chemically, now with markedly decreased stress hormones." I know all you nay-sayers thinking "Astrid, you have no idea, the stress hasn't even begun." But I am not your average worrier. And as I've said before, I am confident that what I will feel post-partum will be more relief than anything else if this baby is as healthy as he seems. I keep thinking of all the things I will be able to do without a second thought. Eat a tomato from our garden (worried about toxoplasmosis now), not compulsively scrub the cutting board and knives for fear that DH's deli meat residue is all over the place, handle the shock collar, not feel the need to compuslively wash my hands or never use the same dish towel twice, not be kept awake by the idea of the dogs stepping on me in the middle of the night, not be so afraid, and not wake up every single morning with the CPC on my mind. I thought I appreciated the idea of a healthy baby after suffering a traumatic loss, but I had no idea. Just as the hell of infertility and loss makes you appreciate pregnancy more, a scare during pregnancy followed by a positive outcome would undoubtedly make me an even more appreciative parent, if that's possible.