Twenty Five Weeks

How far along? 25w0d

Maternity clothes? All maternity bottoms, getting to be that way with the tops too.

Stretch marks? light ones on my bbs, my belly still looks great. I'm applying the belli oil every time I get out of the shower.

Sleep? Fine lately, except somehow, DH has snuck the dogs back into our bed. I had relegated them to their dog bed right beside our bed and they were doing great with that plan even though it was clearly not their preferred bed. First he snuck the little 11 pounder back into the bed which I didn't mind. But then he felt bad for our 1.5 yo, 25lb psychotic pit mix and she gets to be in the bed too now. What gives? At first he snuck her in and I didn't even notice, but lately he's been getting lazy and she's jumping all over the bed and I'll wake up with her leg jammed into my ribs or her face right next to mine. I'm ok with them normally, I'm just worried about her jumping on me. I think I might have to banish them again. Just until August. Room in that bed is only going to get more and more scarce.

Best moment this week? This is going to sound silly but getting my fundal height measured and told that it was right on track. I will take any shred of evidence that my baby is growing normally and that the amniotic fluid isn't too high after the CPC finding. I also have been reading up on Eliot Mooney (of 99 balloons) and his parents' story and it is awfully inspiring. If you haven't heard it, Eliot had trisomy 18 - his parents found out at about 32 weeks after a some questionable ultrasounds (that of course included CPCs) and instead of wallowing in despair they celebrated his life both inside the womb and out when he was born. He lived a little over three months and in that time touched millions of people, changed lives even. It's an inspirational story for anyone and says a lot about how we can choose how we are going to feel about the situations we find ourselves in. I have always been so resistant to that idea for some reason, like I indulge my emotions no matter what they are and because I have obsessive tendencies I get carried away with how I feel and 'let my emotions control me' so to speak. What usually helps my anxiety is if I can come to grips with the worst case scenario and aside from being inspiring no matter what your situation, the Mooney's story has helped me understand that having a baby with T18 does not have to be a sentence of unbridled depression and tragedy. There are still milestones to be celebrated, a life to be cherished, and lessons to be learned.

Worst moment? Worst part was that I didn't have enough to do at work. Too much time to research and think about the whole CPC thing. Part of me is having a hard time letting go, even though I know that would be best. It's like if I don't think about it all the time, I will have failed in my vigilance and let some optimism in, heaven forbid! For some reason it hasn't sunk in that if this baby has t18, finding that out and living through it won't be made any easier by the anxiety I am living with now. I am not religious, but this experience is making me wonder if it's not just a plain and simple lesson being bestowed from above on how to live with uncertainty and fear. How to live despite fear. I am struggling with it, but I think I will be a better person for it. Not unlike many experiences we come across in IF land.

Movement? I was told at my 24wk checkup that I should feel him every day now. My OBG was extremely cautionary about this - it's rare for her to be so conservative. She said "It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night and it just occurs to you that you haven't felt him all day. Don't try to placate yourself by telling yourself everything is fine. Go straight to L&D! We take fetal movement very seriously!" Well good, I'm glad she's taking something seriously. And I'm glad the little guy is starting to be more active (or at least I"m starting to feel him more). The movement is the best part of the pregnancy for me.

Food cravings? Same as always: Chocolate. Big time. Anything with cheese. Pizza. I have GOT to start eating better. Finding out at my last appointment that I could have stood to gain half as much as I've gained so far was kind of a wake up call. I am 'exercising' as much as I have time for with my one hour of walking every day so I think the next step is to do more whole foods and lean proteins and less chocolate.

Gender? It's a boy! As far as we know.

What I miss? Not being so scared. Also, not having to pee every 7 minutes. Last night, when I was in the bathroom doing my business DH goes "Why do you have to pee so often? You should just stay in there!" I reminded him about the whole entire person living in my pelvis, lest he forget. Sometimes said person seems to kick me directly in the bladder. It feels like when you have to pee really bad and you go over a speed bump. Or when you're bladder is super full and someone digs an ultrasound wand into your belly.

What I look forward to: Just meeting him.

Weekly Wisdom: This is the Mooney's blog. It's brought me a lot of wisdom this week. Do with it what you will. And google that 99 balloons video documenting Eliot's life if that kind of thing is of interest to you. But make sure you have tissues on hand.

Milestones: I ordered furniture this week. For the nursery. And I didn't hyperventilate. I just did it. I also had to order some of those bra extenders, I have finally grown out of my normal bras - they are getting really uncomfortable. Took a while. Which is pretty much par for the course for my girls.

Emotions: All over the place. I'm having some good days but still had one night when I cried myself to sleep this week. Last night I laughed so hard I cried (at the M@rriage R3f of all shows) and it was so weird because it triggered an actual sobbing response and I realized could have just started crying for real without much effort. I tried to keep a lid on it but DH already thinks I'm certifiably nuts at this point. He might be right.